Not My American Dream

Living on overcooked vegetables, applesauce and yogurt because the wisdom teeth came out this weekend. And I sound like a jackass (sloshy s's) but it's O.K. 'cause I've got Vicodin.
Summer has flown by between two classes and a construction office job, and I'm ready for fall...but not the future. My mom called me today on my lunch break and told me that my uncle (who got me the job) wants me to work for him as a site manager. Before I even had a chance to express my distaste at the idea, she scolded me for not being open-minded about my future. "I know it's not the most glamorous job in the world, Jacqui, but you can't always be so picky. You could probably start off at 40,000 a year. You could buy a house, get yourself some good credit, that way when you have kids...."
Jesus, Mom!
She stopped herself before I had to; I should hope my mother knows me better than that. But she does go off on her regret cycles sometimes. "Don't do what I did, Jacqui. Don't fuck up your credit. Buy a house. Set up a retirement fund. Set aside money for your children's college."
Argghiuh, Fuck! It was MY idea to go to college and, hey, you know why? Because I wanted a career that I actually enjoyed. One that didn't necessarily factor in a house, husband and children, although they would be welcome additions at the appropriate time. Sometimes I get seduced by the idea, yes. A garden, home cooked meals, rearing up smart, environmentally and politically conscious progeny. Going to Lamaze classes, getting married on the beach. Maybe. Someday. Some, some day.
But Lordy, there's so much to do!
I read a marvelous article in Harper's the other day called "The Christian Paradox: How a Faithful Nation Gets Jesus Wrong." The author Bill McKibben's basic thesis is that somehow, as America's unique brand of Christianity developed, churches nationwide have replaced the commandment "Love thy neighbor as thyself," with Benjamin Franklin's mantra (found nowhere in the Bible), "God helps those who help themselves." He goes on to cite daunting statistics surrounding Americans Christians' general lack of charity (at least outside of the church), and notes how much emphasis is now put on taking care the you and yours. "We have made golden calves of ourselves--become a nation of terrified, self-obsessed idols," he writes, and although his remarks are scathing they somehow escape sounding too judgmental (perhaps because McKibbens is a Christian himself). The article is much more eloquent than my little synopsis (to anyone who's interested, read it! August 2005), and I mention it because after finishing, I felt the kind of inspiration, the kind of "Yes, that's it" that I thought had left my soul several years ago.
It made me stop feeling so embarrassed by the thought of calling myself Christian, because one of the major ideals behind Christianity (and all major religions, for that matter) is to love all people equally, to put others before yourself...not to focus on individual wealth and status. And it made me remember why I don't want to become obsessed with having a nice little home and a retirement plan. And why I want to take the time to find a career that best allows me to express love for the world. Oh, this sounds so sappy I can't even stand it. This is why I'm hesitant to talk about my beliefs. But I have to, because it's more than religion, strictly speaking. You don't have to believe in God to realize that this world needs some serious love. And not the Harvest-Crusade-come-and-confess-reduce-your-debt-while-you're-at-it kind of love, but something real. Something good.

So much to do, so much to do...